The Myth of Arrival

Dressed in my black cap and gown, I sit patiently as the names of my College of Agriculture classmates are called. With no plans to pursue another degree, I believe this will be my final graduation. I see the excitement and pride shining in the eyes of my fellow graduates, and I know I should feel the same way. But instead, all I feel is a sad sense of loss.

Graduating from college is a monumental achievement. Only a small percentage of the world’s population reaches this milestone. And yet, I feel the same as I did when I made the varsity wrestling squad, graduated high school, or got my driver’s license. Instead of feeling like I had earned something, I feel like I should already be working toward the next thing.

Instead of pride, I feel pressure.

Instead of excitement, I feel emptiness.

Instead of reward, I feel restlessness.

As my row is called, I stand and begin walking toward the stage. Why can’t I just be excited? Is this how I’ll feel when I get my first job? When I get a promotion? When I get married? What’s wrong with me?

Knowing what I know now, I can look back on that version of myself with compassion. He was exhausted from running too long on what psychologists call the hedonic treadmill, the endless pursuit of achievement in the belief that happiness will appear once you arrive.

The hedonic treadmill is a concept in psychology that explains why our happiness tends to return to a stable baseline, no matter what happens to us. Whether we graduate with a master’s degree or experience a painful breakup, over time we drift back to the same emotional place.

Spending too much time on the treadmill leads us into what social scientists call the arrival fallacy. This is the belief that “I’ll be happy when…” (fill in the blank). We tell ourselves that happiness will come when we get the promotion, buy the new car, lose ten pounds, hit a certain income, or rack up more followers.

But here’s what I wish I could have told graduating Jason: Happiness doesn’t wait for you at the finish line. It is discovered along the path.

That can sound like a Hallmark card unless it is made practical, so here is one way to put it into action. Shift your mindset from outcome to process. Instead of saying, “I’ll be happy when,” start saying, “I can be happy while…” When we measure our growth rather than just our results, we change how we keep score. With that change, we redefine what counts as a “win” or a “loss.”

So if milestones keep leaving you anxious, empty, or unsatisfied, maybe it is time to step off the treadmill, slow down, and take a walk with some friends.

Fact

Psychologists have found that after both major positive and negative life events, people usually return to their baseline level of happiness within about two years. This is one of the most studied aspects of hedonic adaptation.

Action

Pause once a day to notice something you are learning or appreciating in the process, not just the outcome. Write it down or share it with someone. This small shift builds the habit of seeing progress as rewarding in itself.

Question

When was the last time you celebrated growth in the middle of a journey, instead of waiting for the finish line?

Quote

“Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product of a life well-lived.” — Eleanor Roosevelt