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The Four Things We Need To Grow (Part 2 of 4)

This is the second of a four part series. Click here to read the rest of the series.

The difference between who we are today and who we want to be comes down to how willing we are to grow. While personal growth is just that, personal, we also know that there are four things all human beings need to grow. Last week we discovered that the first thing we need to do to grow is simply start. Growth can't occur while we're on the bench. We must get in the game to grow.

The second thing people need to grow is less of a "what" and more of a "who."

A few years ago I was on the phone with a friend and mentor of mine, J.R. Pinedo. J.R. and I always had life changing conversations and this one was no different.

I told J.R. that the other day I had dinner with a customer who had told me previously he was a recovering alcoholic, but while at dinner he ordered himself a drink. I didn't know what to do, so I just pretended like nothing was wrong, finished dinner and left.

I told J.R. I felt guilty about the situation, but wasn't sure it was my place to intervene. J.R. kind of sighed and just said, "Addiction is tough. I see it first hand every week my Alcoholics Anonymous meetings." I staggered, shocked. I never knew J.R. had an issue with alcohol, let alone even drank.

Noticing my reaction, J.R. followed up by saying, "Just so you know I'm not an alcoholic. And with the help of that community I know I'll never become one."

J.R. knew the life he wanted to live, but he also knew he couldn't do it alone. By attending those meetings he was surrounding himself with community that would help him grow into the person he wanted to be. On the flip side, he also helped BE the community that those in recovery needed for their growth.

The second thing all human beings need to grow is community. You may have heard it said that we are "the average of our five closest friends." If you want to exercise more, you should probably surround yourself with people that prioritize exercise. If you want to avoid alcohol, you should probably surround yourself with people who have similar ambitions.

I think back to the dinner I had with my customer, unsure whose place it was to intervene. While he ordered a beer that night, I can't help but wonder if he would have had he seen community on the menu. Was it my place to intervene? If not me, then who?

We all have places we want to go in life, people we want to be come, but we won't get there alone.

Find a community and experience the growth that comes from it.

Be someone's community and experience the fulfillment of seeing that person's growth.


A recent MIT study found we crave interactions in the same region of our brains where we crave food, and another study showed we experience social exclusion in the same region of our brain where we experience physical pain.


Do the five people you spend the most time with align with who you want to be?


Make an effort to create community for someone else this week.


“Alone, we can do so little; together, we can do so much” - Helen Keller

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