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Cultivating Patience

Jason Wetzler

I am six years old and my parents decide they're going to bring all four of us children to our family friends wedding we had been invited to. They squeeze Ben, Zach, and I into our suits, cinching the neck tie so tight our grubby hands can't rip it off, and throw a dress over our baby sister, Katie.


I don't know much about weddings other than people dress fancy and they take forever. However, mom tells us that if we were patient and on our best behavior that near the end we will get cake.


We get out of the car and head towards an open pavilion with chairs in it. As we pass a barn decorated for a celebration, I see it and it stops me in my tracks. A top a table right inside the door, six layers tall, with more frosting than I'd ever seen in my life, stands a cake that seemed twice as tall as I am. Like a record scratching, I feel a jerk on my elbow and mom drags me in the opposite direction towards the ceremony.


The ceremony seems to take hours and all I can think about is the cake. Finally, the couple walks back down the aisle and everyone stands to clap. I see my opportunity. As my parents stand I slink out of my seat, scooch to the outside of the aisle, and start to jog towards the cake.


As I run my mouth begins to water wondering if it's chocolate, vanilla, or funfetti. I had been so patient, I deserved this cake. I reach the table and without thinking start to reach across with my bare hand to take a hunk of my prize. Inches away, I hear the gasping of an out-of-breathe adult behind me and turn to see my father, red in the face from sprinting and embarrassment. He snatches my hand and spins me around. Sweating, gasping for air, and clearly upset, he makes his eyes big and grunts something like, "I will end you," as he drags me back towards my family.


If I had a tally of all the things my parents told me to be growing up, "more patient" would have the most marks next to it. As an adult, it's a reminder I give myself often, yet struggle to embrace.


Fortunately for me, and for you, patience is a skill that can be developed just like riding a bike, drawing, or baking a cake.


Impatience usually stems from our inability to accept how things are and desire to control the situation. This traffic "should" be moving by now, my parents "should" be done talking already, my coffee "should" be ready to go. Typically, telling ourselves and others how things "should" be enacts no real change and only develops frustration, hinders real progress, and negatively impacts those around you.


Practicing patience is letting go of "how things should be" and simply seeing things how they are. Being present during a moment of frustration can help us realize that we don't need to be in control, and therefor, there isn't any certain way that things "should" be.


As punishment for my behavior at the wedding, my parents forced me to watch them and each of my siblings eat a piece of cake in front of me. Sullenly, without cake, I got in the car and rode home, knowing my lack of patience was the cause of my lack of cake.


As my brother was brushing his teeth, my parents called for me. I ambled into the kitchen, ready to face my punishment. Instead, I found a fork, plate, and enormous piece of white wedding cake on the table.


In a world of instant gratification and fiber optic speeds, patience is becoming a rare thing. However, I can assure you that anything good in life is worth being patient for. If we can be patient enough, we may even get to have our cake and eat it too.


Fact

Patient people are less likely to report health problems, from ulcers to headaches and even pneumonia, according to researchers Schnitzler and Emmons.


Action

The next time you feel impatience building, try to see the situation from the opposite POV. Is the barista slow because they're working alone? Is the person driving slow because they can't see well?


Question

What do you claim as a "pet peeve," but is really a lack of patience?


Quote

"Don't you get frustrated being late all of the time?" -My friend to his father.


"When I married your mom, I told myself that ten minutes late is just going to be our on-time." -His father


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