Beware the Dangers of Secondhand Stress

After my parents split up when I was five, going to my dad’s house was always an adventure. He moved around quite a bit, but my older brother and I—being so young—just saw each new place as a fun neighborhood to explore.

One of my favorite places he lived was a mobile home park on the west side of Salem, Oregon. I had spent my early years in a mobile home, so the neighborhood felt familiar and comfortable. There was an elementary school with a great playground, a nearby forest with a tire swing, and a Dairy Queen within walking distance—I was living the dream.

On one of our first visits to Dad’s new place, my brother and I were shooting hoops at the elementary school when we noticed two kids about our age on the playground. Like kids do, we walked over and asked if they wanted to play. Before long, we found ourselves heading back to their mobile home—right next door to Dad’s.

We spent the afternoon eating PB&Js, playing Super Smash Bros., and swinging on a tire swing they’d apparently built themselves.

When we got home that evening, Dad stopped us in the doorway and sniffed the air.

“Where have you been?” he asked, a concerned look on his face.

We pointed to the home across the lot. He sighed and muttered, “Your mother is going to kill me.” Then he explained that while our new friends were good kids and it wasn’t their fault, we weren’t allowed to go over there anymore. He couldn’t risk exposing us to the dangers of secondhand smoke.

At that age, I had no idea what secondhand smoke was or why it was dangerous. But once I learned, I started noticing TV ads, billboards, and magazine articles warning people to avoid it. It seemed the world agreed: secondhand smoke was harmful, and we all needed to steer clear.

Ironically, the world seemed to miss another serious kind of secondhand exposure: secondhand stress.

If you’ve ever been around someone who “stresses you out,” you’ve experienced it. Research shows that simply being near someone who’s visibly anxious can raise your cortisol levels and impair your brain’s ability to function.

Even more surprising? You don’t have to see someone to feel their stress—you can smell it. Stress causes people to secrete hormones through sweat, and others can pick up on it unconsciously. In short, we can absorb stress through sight, sound, and scent.

While cigarettes pose a clear physical risk, secondhand stress can quietly wreak havoc on our mental well-being.

Just knowing about secondhand stress is a reason to be mindful—both of the stress we project and the stress we absorb. Before entering a room, try asking yourself: “What energy am I bringing in with me?”

And when you feel someone else’s stress creeping into your system, remind yourself: caring about someone doesn't mean carrying their stress. Doing so helps no one.

Back in the ’90s, you couldn’t go a day without seeing a government-sponsored ad warning about secondhand smoke. Maybe it’s time we launched a similar campaign—one that warns us all about the dangers of secondhand stress.

Fact

Secondhand stress can be transferred digitally through texts, social media, and video chats.

Action

If you must be in a stressful environment, take intentional breaks to remind yourself the world isn't stressed out, the people around around you are.

Question

How do you typically respond when someone around you appears anxious or stressed?

Quote

“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to." – Unknown