Why Your Phone is Exhausting You

Two Sundays ago, my wife, Jo, made a delicious seafood pasta dish. Because we never quite learned how to cook proportionally, she made way too much for just the two of us. Knowing it wouldn’t keep, Joenelle suggested we take some over to our friends Colton and Jenna’s house. They had just had their first child a few weeks earlier, and bringing them a meal would probably be a big help.

Logically, it made sense—we’d be saving food. Emotionally, it was a kind thing to do. Socially, it would be a great opportunity to check in with our friends.

At that very moment, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Without looking at Joenelle or my phone, I just shook my head and said, "I can’t do it. I just can’t."

"...You can’t drop seafood off at a friend’s house?" Joenelle asked gently.

"I can’t do one more thing."

I’ve always prided myself on keeping a clean email inbox, replying promptly to texts, and even listening all the way through every voicemail I receive. But over the past few weeks, every notification I get feels like it’s pushing me to the edge.

For the first time in my life, I find myself overwhelmed by group chats, unable to commit to plans with friends, and distancing myself from social interactions.

Instead of being excited that my friends are texting to schedule a DND campaign, I feel stressed that there’s another unread message I need to respond to. Calls have gone unreturned, group chats have been muted, and some friendships feel distant and uncertain. Heck, I couldn’t even muster the energy to drop off a dish of seafood pasta at a friend’s house.

At the time, I didn’t have a name for it. But now I know: I’ve come down with a serious case of notification fatigue.

In short, life has me using my phone so frequently that I’ve become desensitized to the very notifications I used to respond to without a second thought.

With friendships, work projects, and can't-miss life moments on the line, there's too much at stake to let notification fatigue keep me down. If you find yourself feeling similarly, here are three things that have helped me combat it:

Audit Your Notifications

Go into your phone settings and turn off badges, sounds, and alerts for all non-essential apps. Someone poking you on Facebook (yes, you can still do that) shouldn’t be competing with a doctor’s appointment reminder.

Use Focus or Do Not Disturb Mode

Sometimes turning your phone face-down just isn’t enough. When you need to protect your mental energy, turning on Focus or Do Not Disturb can make a big difference. Worried about missing something important? You can customize settings to let key calls or messages come through.

Batch Your Tasks

Instead of bouncing between emails, texts, and voicemails, try handling them in batches. Reply to your texts, then check your email, then return calls. This reduces the “mental residue” that comes from constantly switching contexts.

In a world of hyper-connectivity, we may find ourselves feeling deeply disconnected.

We can’t let technology dictate our attention. Remember: you’re the account holder of your attention span bank account. If there’s going to be a withdrawal, you should sign off on it first.

We did end up bringing Colton and Jenna that seafood pasta—and I was able to genuinely enjoy our short visit, primarily because I left my phone at home.

Fact

The average person receives over 100 notifications a day.

Action

Designate one space in your house to be a tech-free zone. No phones allowed in that space.

Question

Are you replying or reacting out of habit, anxiety, or obligation?

Quote

"Beware the barrenness of a busy life." – Socrates