Why Making Bad Decisions Is Too Easy

It’s the summer before my 13th birthday and we are in Tygh Valley, Oregon, which according to Wikipedia is a “census-designated place” in Wasco County with a population of 118.

My mom has bussed her students to a week-long livestock show here and as her son, I get to tag along. I’ve been going on these trips for as long as I can remember and without fail, every one seems to leave me with a lesson learned the hard way.

It’s the last day and the week has been incredible. We’ve played countless games of ultimate frisbee, eaten Cindy’s famous biscuits and gravy, and each morning I get to walk to the barns with Lauren, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Lauren is a senior, so I know there’s no chance. Still, I’m convinced that someday I’ll grow up and be able to ask her on a date. For now, I’m just grateful to walk beside her to the pig barn each day.

The awards program is wrapping up when a boy named Kenny from my mom’s class scoots across the metal bleachers until we’re sitting knee to knee. He throws an arm around my shoulder, leans in, and says, “I hear you got the hots for Lauren. Can’t blame ya. I think you need to ask her out.”

My heart starts racing. I wipe my hands on my jeans as Kenny lays out his foolproof plan. He tells me Lauren likes spicy food and gives me the name of her favorite Mexican restaurant back home. He adds that she’s in Spanish 4 and since it’s a romance language, if I ask her out in Spanish, she won’t be able to say no.

“But I don’t know Spanish,” I mumble, thinking the plan is dead.

Kenny assures me it’s fine and gives me the exact line to say. I hesitate. Something feels off. Sensing this, he asks a simple but powerful question, “What do you feel like you should do?”

I’m convinced.

I practice all evening and just as the sun sets over camp, I see Lauren walking back from the showers alone. I take my chance and stop her beneath the only streetlight in the campground, the perfect place, I think, to bring my feelings to light.

My heart pounds. I decide efficiency is best. I stop her, stare at her, and say nothing else. Her hair is still damp, her skin glows under the streetlight, and her eyes look confused as to why a 12-year-old is blocking her path.

Without any context, I deliver the line exactly as Kenny and I practiced. She listens, puzzled at first, then angry. She shifts her toiletries to one hand, scowls, slaps me across the face, and storms off, leaving me stunned.

To this day, I don’t know exactly what I said to Lauren, but I do know I wasn’t asking her on a date to her favorite restaurant. Another trip stamped with a lesson learned the hard way.

For years, I told myself the lesson was that people can take advantage of you if you let them, like Kenny did when he made me the butt of a joke. But a friend once pointed out something uncomfortable. Regardless of who set me up, I still chose to say the words. Worse, I never verified any of the information Kenny gave me.

So how did I end up making that series of bad decisions, and why was it so easy to do?

Psychologists have an answer, and the evidence is clear in my conversation with Kenny.

It wasn’t that I was too naive to make a good decision. It’s that I was too emotional. A mix of anticipation, hope, and misplaced trust in Kenny’s authority created an emotional cocktail destined for disaster.

Research from Daniel Kahneman shows that when emotion spikes, the brain shifts control away from the reflective system, the part that thinks, plans, and checks facts, and hands it to the fast system, the one that feels, responds, and reacts. In other words, the part of my brain that should have asked, “Should I verify this?” was offline.

As emotion increases, logic and reasoning often decrease. Instead of thinking, “This sounds too good to be true,” I was thinking, “This is my chance.”

The stakes don’t always have to be that high. We do this when we send a text while frustrated, make a purchase we shouldn’t because we’re stressed, or agree to something just to avoid the discomfort of disagreement.

The lesson I learned at 12 has served me well into adulthood. Emotions aren’t bad, but they can lead to bad decisions and bad outcomes. Feeling strongly doesn’t mean we’re incapable of making the right choice, it means we may need to pause before deciding.

The day we were heading home, I felt horrible for hurting Lauren's feelings and wanted to make it right. Embarrassed, but determined, I made the harder, but better decision apologized to Lauren for what I'd said. She laughed and said, "I'll forgive you on one condition, you gotta buy me Mexican food when we get home."

Fact

Under emotional stress, people rely more on mental shortcuts, which increases confidence while decreasing accuracy.

Action

If a decision feels urgent, ask yourself, “What happens if I wait one hour?” before doing anything.

Question

What am I assuming to be true without checking?

Quote

“Nothing in life is as important as you think it is while you are thinking about it.” - Daniel Kahneman