The Three C's of Building Trust

It’s 2021, and I am broke.

Over a year ago, I made the decision to start my own speaking business. Things were going well—until the pandemic canceled all in-person events. Joenelle and I are in the midst of wedding planning, and now that things are beginning to open up again, I am eager—no, desperate—for events that might generate even a little income.

So when my phone rings and it’s a nonprofit offering me an organizational management consulting gig, I say, “That sounds right up my alley!” The caller asks if I’ll pitch myself to their board of directors, though he admits they’re hesitant about hiring a consultant. After a brief pause, I agree. We hang up, and that’s when the panic sets in.

I have no idea what “organizational management” even means—and I’ve never done a consulting gig in my life.

I immediately call my friend Wes, a full-time consultant at one of the largest firms in the world. He assures me I can absolutely handle it because, in his words, “Anyone with a heartbeat can do this dumb job.”

I don’t feel reassured.

I spend the week voraciously studying consulting strategies, organizational management theory, and everything I can find about the organization. As the call with the board approaches, the panic creeps back in. Can I really do this? Will they think I’m qualified? Why would they hire me?

Right before the meeting, the original caller checks in with some last-minute advice:

“These guys are just a bunch of cattlemen. Gain their trust, and it’ll be alright.”

I take a deep breath and join the conference call.

After a quick introduction, the questions start rolling in:

“Jason, what consulting experience do you have?”

“Do you have a degree in this? Oh, just a bachelor’s?”

“What do you know about our organization?”

“I’m sure you’re a nice kid, but do you understand our problems? Why did you even want this gig?”

I go from panicked, to embarrassed, to frustrated, to resigned. They thank me for my time and say they’ll be in touch. I know they won’t.

At the time, I believed I had the ability to do the job. Consulting, after all, is a process of uncovering problems and offering solutions—and I was confident I could do that. But before they were going to let me anywhere near their organizational issues, they needed to trust me.

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean people will trust you to do it.

To earn trust—from an individual, group, organization, customer, or client—you need three things: competence, character, and connection.

• Competence tells people, “I know what I’m doing.” Demonstrating competence builds trust when you consistently deliver high performance or ideal results.

• Character shows people, “I know who I am and why I’m doing this.” Results only build trust when they’re achieved through ethical means. In fact, competence without character can actually erode trust—people start to wonder what’s being sacrificed to get results.

• Connection reminds people, “I see you, and I care.” You can be competent and have strong character, but if there’s no relationship or rapport, people may still hesitate to trust you.

  
  

On that conference call, they had no reason to doubt my character. I even built decent rapport with a few members. But without evidence of competence, trust never had a chance to take root.

Trust is the foundation of all relationships—personal or professional.

If you’re struggling to build trust, ask yourself:Which of the three C’s might be missing?

Fact

According to Harvard research, we judge people first on warmth, then competence. So being kind and relatable often earns trust faster than rattling off credentials.

Action

Conduct a trust audit. Choose a relationship that trust feels shaky or hasn't fully formed. Focus on strengthening one of the three C's in that relationship.

Question

Do you generally rely on your character, competence, or ability to connect to build trust with others? Which of the three do you neglect?

Quote

“Trust is like the air we breathe—when it’s present, nobody really notices. When it’s absent, everybody notices.” - Warren Buffett