The 3 Relationships Everyone Needs—but Few Have

It’s October 16, 2013. I am sitting in my car in the parking lot of my college fraternity with a stack of letters in the passenger seat. Twenty-one letters, to be exact—one for each year I had been alive.

A few weeks earlier, I had an idea for my 21st birthday. Instead of a typical celebration, I would write a letter to the 21 people who had made the biggest impact on my life. In each letter, I described the influence they had on me and made a commitment to pay it forward. All they had to do was reply with their favorite charity, and I promised to serve that charity on one of my next 21 birthdays.

I remember standing at the post office, letters in hand, pausing to flip through them one more time. My family. Close friends. Teachers from elementary school. YoungLife leaders. Former coaches. A few FFA friends. I was overwhelmed with gratitude that so many incredible people of different ages, backgrounds, and perspectives had invested in me.

Then I slid the letters into the mailbox and drove away, excited for what the next 21 years would bring.

Two weeks from today will mark twelve years since I mailed those letters. When I think about the person I was then and the relationships tied to those names, I feel a twinge of remorse. Life got busy. Effort waned. And I have not invested in those relationships as much as I hoped I would.

But I also know I am not alone. For most people, some of life’s most important relationships quietly fade away. Research shows that three kinds of relationships, in particular, are missing for many of us, yet they can drastically improve the quality and direction of our lives.

1. Intergenerational Relationships

A 2019 AARP survey found that nearly 63% of adults do not have any close friends who are at least 15 years older or younger than they are. Among 21 to 30 year-olds, that number rises to 80%.

When our friend circles only include people our own age, we miss out on valuable perspective, deeper emotional support, and shared learning across life stages. Relationships that cross generations help us grow in ways same-age friendships cannot.

2. Spiritual or Religious Relationships

A Gallup survey found that 18% of U.S. adults say they are neither religious nor spiritual. That does not automatically mean they lack relationships in this area, but it makes it less likely.

Whether through organized religion or personal spirituality, these connections carry powerful benefits: stronger mental health, greater resilience, longer life expectancy, and higher overall satisfaction. They anchor us to meaning and remind us that life is bigger than ourselves.

3. Community and Local Connections

A Pew Research survey across 24 countries revealed that only 54% of U.S. adults feel connected to people in their local community.

As our digital footprint has grown, many of us have lost track of where our actual feet are planted. We know our online “followers,” but not always our neighbors. Reclaiming local community ties can restore belonging and build stronger, more resilient lives.

This morning I pulled out those letters I wrote nearly 12 years ago, and I was reminded how rich life becomes when we invest in the people around us. If you feel like something is missing in your life, it may not be something at all. It may be someone. The relationships we cultivate today are the ones that shape who we will become tomorrow.

Fact

A 2023 Surgeon General’s report found that loneliness and social disconnection increase the risk of premature death by nearly 30%, making social connection as critical to health as diet and exercise.

Action

This week, take one action to invest in a local relationship.

Question

Instead of asking “Who am I missing?” ask: “Whose life might feel incomplete because I have not invested in our relationship?”

Quote

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.”

- Anaïs Nin