Not Everything Needs to Be Earned

I was in the 3rd grade when we moved from the small town of Canby to a suburb of Portland, OR. There were ups and downs to living in town, but one of the best parts was being within walking distance of my friends’ houses. For the first time in my life, I found myself spending more time at friends’ houses than I did at home.

One summer day, after hours of riding bikes, wiffle ball, and general tomfoolery, Ben asks if we want to go to his house for dinner. We roll inside around 5:30 pm, and to my surprise, his mom is pulling a lasagna out of the oven. I turn to Ben and ask under my breath, “Is that for us? Why are we eating so early?”

Ben looks at the clock on the stove and then back at me and says, “What are you talking about? It's dinner time.”

Over heaps of pasta, I tell Ben and Garrett that we don’t usually eat dinner until 8 or 9 pm. I explain that my mom is an agriculture teacher and FFA advisor, and her workday doesn’t end when school does. There are always animals to feed, practices to coach, or events to attend. Dinner doesn’t have a set time, it just happens when the work is done. It’s never explicitly said, but I grow up believing you get to eat when you finish your work.

I look up and realize Ben, Garrett, and Ben’s mom have all stopped eating and are just staring at me. After a pause, Ben says, “That’s weird, man,” and goes back to his food.

Looking back, my upbringing taught me the value of hard work, but I also learned to earn what I got. What I know now is that not everything in life needs to be earned, and some of the most important parts of life aren’t meant to be.

It’s not wrong to earn things. Trust, respect, and credibility are built over time. But when that same mindset starts to apply to everything, it can make us feel like we never deserve anything, even when we do. When you feel like you have to earn a break, a moment to enjoy yourself, or the right to slow down, that’s when it stops being helpful.

Our self-worth, rest, and joy aren’t conditional. They aren’t meant to be earned. They come with being human.

Nowadays we still eat dinner around 9 pm most days. Not because I have to sing for my supper, but because it’s familiar. Dinner isn’t something to be earned. It’s something to be enjoyed.

Fact

Chronic overwork is linked to burnout and decreased performance, not increased output over time.

Action

Take a break today before you feel like you need it.

Question

What are you trying to earn that you already deserve?

Quote

"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

- Anne Lamott