How to Receive Better

I am fortunate to be able to say that Christmas was always a magical time in my house. The warmth of the oven cooking Christmas dinner, our dog Charlie napping under the tree, and the anticipation of watching your loved ones open gifts you picked out for them made for a spirited and memorable day. Growing up, I thought nothing could break the spirit and joy Christmas morning provided. I believed that all the way until the Christmas after I graduated college, when I learned that Christmas magic can be undone not by what’s under the tree, but by how someone responds to it.

It’s early afternoon and the sun is breaking through a classically rainy Christmas Day in western Oregon. We’ve been to Mass, had brunch, finished our chores, and it’s finally time to open presents. We divvy them out until each family member has a pile bigger than we deserve waiting at our feet. Per tradition, the youngest sibling, my sister, starts by opening one gift, followed by the next oldest, until we circle all the way back around.

When it’s my little brother’s turn, he reaches for a small box near his feet. My mom jumps slightly and says, “Wait a second. You’ll want to save that one for last,” sharing a knowing smirk with my stepdad.

We’re all in on it. Round by round, we watch as my brother’s anticipation grows for his final gift. Eventually, the only present left in front of him is the small box he’s been waiting to open the entire time.

I scan the room, reading faces and reviewing what’s already been opened. Some clothes, a handful of books, a few kitchen gadgets, a MasterClass subscription, and a collection of other thoughtful knick-knacks. The gifts are modest, but meaningful.

My brother picks up the box and gives it a small shake. He smiles knowingly and rips the corner of the paper. He sees the distinctive white packaging of an iPhone and grins ear to ear. Then he tears off the rest of the wrapping, his smile fades, his eyebrows scrunch together, and he asks, “Why is it yellow?”

I’ve been looking back and forth between my mom and my brother the entire time, knowing how excited they were to see him open something he’d been asking for for months. In that moment, I feel the magic of Christmas begin to dwindle in the room.

Joenelle, my girlfriend at the time, jumps in quickly. “That’s awesome, dude. We can go find a phone case for it tomorrow.” The moment passes, we finish opening presents, and my brother thanks my parents profusely as he activates his new phone.

I don’t believe my brother was intentionally ungrateful. He likely just let an intrusive thought slip out. But I also can’t understate the impact of how he received that gift.

We often hear that it’s more blessed to give than to receive, but how we receive can also be a blessing to those giving. Here are three ways to receive gifts well if you want to keep the magic in the air this Christmas.

Reframe the Moment

When you unwrap your first gift, remember the moment isn’t about what you’re getting, it’s about honoring the effort behind it. When someone gives you a gift, they’re really saying, “I thought about you, and I wanted to show you I care.”

Receiving well means welcoming the intention, not critiquing the item.

Resist the Urge to Downplay

A coach once told me I needed to learn how to receive a compliment. “All you need to say is thank you,” he said. I laughed, but he repeated himself, and the message landed.

Often when receiving gifts or compliments, we say thank you, but immediately follow it by downplaying or deflecting. Saying things like, “You didn’t have to do that,” or “I don’t deserve this,” may come from a place of humility, but they often shift the focus away from gratitude and onto discomfort.

Instead, pause, make eye contact, and let thank you be a full sentence.

Stay in the Moment a Little Longer

It can feel uncomfortable to demonstrate gratitude face to face, especially if we don’t practice it often. But lingering in that discomfort just a moment longer than feels natural can have a meaningful impact on the person giving the gift and on your relationship with them. A brief pause completes the moment and fully honors the care behind it.

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The magic of Christmas is created in the giving of gifts, but it’s sustained in how we receive them. Making the effort to receive well this season may be one of the most meaningful gifts we give.

Fact

People who struggle to receive compliments or gifts often score lower on measures of self-compassion, not higher on humility.

Action

Pause for five seconds before responding to a gift or compliment.

Question

How might your reaction shape the room this Christmas?

Quote

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” - Aesop