Allow People to Surprise You

I’m sitting in the back area of my gym when an elderly woman walks in the door. She’s wearing glasses, a brown skirt with leggings underneath, and trainers with enough padding to fill a king-sized mattress. Her grey hair is pulled neatly into a bun and as she sees me and my daughter, Murph, in her stroller, the lines of her face pull into a smile.

She walks over, greets us, and begins chatting with Murph, who immediately reaches up to grab her finger. The back area is where we keep a few pieces of equipment and the kids’ daycare. I think to myself, “She must be here to help with the daycare, or maybe pick up her grandkid from the Kids Fit program that just concluded.”

After some small talk, she looks up and asks, “Is Jamie around?”

I tell her Jamie just wrapped up coaching Kids Fit and point her toward the main gym.

She smiles excitedly and says, “Oh good, I’m here for my on-ramp,” then walks to meet Jamie.

Around thirty minutes later, Jamie tells me that I just met our newest, and oldest, member, Tina. She’s 75 years old and trying CrossFit for the first time.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” but the truth is, we all do. Our brains are wired to make fast judgments so we can make sense of the world around us. We scan for patterns, fill in gaps, and build stories with incomplete information because it helps us move efficiently through the day. Most of the time, those shortcuts work, but sometimes they cost us connection.

The problem isn’t that we make assumptions. The problem is that we refuse to update them.

Tina didn’t fit the narrative I assigned her, and instead of shrinking to meet my expectations, she expanded them. She reminded me that people are allowed to surprise us, to grow, to step into roles that don’t align with tradition or societal expectations.

Applying this didn’t require eliminating judgment, it required slowing it down.

It looked like noticing the story I was telling myself about someone and holding it with less certainty. It meant asking a follow-up question instead of making a quiet assumption. It meant staying open long enough for new information to change my mind.

When we approached people with curiosity instead of conclusions, we created room for connection, growth, and respect. We gave others permission to be more than the role we initially assigned them.

So let’s shift the old adage to, “Don’t judge a book by its cover, but if you do, allow the chapters to be rewritten.”

Fact

First impressions form in milliseconds, and while they help our brains process information efficiently, research shows they’re often incomplete and inaccurate without additional context.

Action

This week, notice one assumption you make about someone and intentionally pause before acting on it. Ask a question, seek more context, or simply stay open long enough to let the story change.

Question

Where might a quick judgment be limiting your ability to truly see the people around you?

Quote

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” — Ian MacLaren